rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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