he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
