So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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