worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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