I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Sorry about my life...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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