How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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