stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
