omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
