So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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