My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
