What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How's work?
Spinning.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
