This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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