Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
