I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize