what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
