her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
