she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
