I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
