His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
