Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
