Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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