Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
barbara walters just said penis...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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