So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
