i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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