the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
