In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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