Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize