my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize