The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my being single is dangerous.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
