meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Randomize
