I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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