How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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