god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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