it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
