Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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