I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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