I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i think im in europe. pls send help
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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