Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
