your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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