I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
