i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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