i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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