Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
