i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When are your genitals available?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
