Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
