she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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