I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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