12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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