I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
