You smell like stripper and shame
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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