I'm drive I can fine osifer
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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