i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
