you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
