bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
