is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
