i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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