We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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