I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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