i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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