He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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