just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
