I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize