bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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