Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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