Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
