i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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