btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
