we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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